Motivation

This isn't about ...

how I get my motivation but rather how I lack it. I have no motivation. I am one of the laziest persons you will ever meet. I saw a video on Facebook once about how lazy people are also intelligent people. I'm not saying that it's true, but it could be. I've always wanted to write, either professionally or just for myself. Someone told me once that if I really wanted to be a writer then I should do it every day, in the morning as soon as I wake up. I can barely function before coffee. So I went many years without writing. But once I had my Aha moment and decided to pursue this as a career I am more motivated than ever!

My Plan

Wait?! Do I need a plan? Uh oh! Yeah, I don't think I can do that. It's not the plan that will be hard, it's the sticking to the plan. I also get sidetracked easily so that doesn't help.
I was thinking about only writing for 30 minutes a day but I've been at this for an hour and have watched several youtube videos, checked e-mail and browsed Facebook while doing it. I will have to put my computer in Airplane Mode in order to get things done. I was also thinking about maybe combining writings from different days. Writing for 30 minutes here and a few minutes on another day, okay more like ramblings then combine them into one blog post. Today is Thursday. We'll see...

It's Friday

...and my 30 minutes are starting. I haven't a clue what I am going to write today. We are driving our youngest son D to college in a few days. I miss him already. No, I'm not a clingy mom, but I will miss him. That's allowed, right? That's three down and one to go. Then we will be empty nesters. I raised my kids to be independent so they haven't needed me for a long time. I will miss their presence, talking to them, meal times will be the worst. We used to sit around the table as a family but when my two oldest were gone we just kind of started going off on our own. I don't have any excuses for it, it just happened. I don't mind it because the way I look at it is I have to get used to them being gone. We spent eighteen years as a family around the table and that is what counted. My husband and I still eat in the same room so not all of us are scattered. Well, the sidetracked count is two today. Facebook and my Fishdom app on my phone. My 30 minutes are almost up and I haven't written much. When you want to be a writer isn't there a dire need to write everything? Aren't you supposed to have so much to say that you don't know where to begin? I don't have anything to say at all. Aren't writers supposed to have a voice, aren't they supposed to tell us something?

Saturday

Tomorrow we take D to UC Davis. I typed that sentence and immediately opened a new tab to watch youtube videos. After finishing that video I got mad at myself for not focusing on the task at hand. I wrote down a Daily Goal. I am going to do this every day during my journaling process. (That's what I'm calling this little motivational post) So my Daily Goal will be to 1. Set a Timer for 15 minutes. 2. Turn on music. 3. Stay focused and write for 15 minutes. 4. Take a break for 15 minutes. 5. Repeat steps 1-3 for the next 15 minutes. (Also, don't look at the timer!) This should help me stay focused enough to be able to write some halfway decent content. The other type of goal that I set was a deadline for myself. I started on Thursday the 17th and I want to make this a week long post. I use blogger.com to write and they have a scheduling option. It means that I can schedule this post to appear to the audience any time I want, so I set it a week from when I started. And now Pandora is acting up. Had to go fix that. I should count on some interruptions, just pause the timer and move on. My family knows what I am doing and they are supportive as well as understanding. But they have needs too.
Still Saturday....I am so glad that I decided to do this, the writing I mean. I finally feel like I have a purpose, a function. Got to get the stories out of my head. I know that I mentioned somewhere in a post that I have a vivid imagination. I'm always thinking of situations for either myself or other people. I have a confession to make, I also have arguments in my head with other people. Have you ever done that? Had an imaginary argument with your spouse or someone else? I'm sure some of you said yes. It's okay, you don't have to admit it out loud. As I fall asleep at night I come up with stories in my head too. Been doing that all my life. It keeps me from thinking about life stuff too much. But then I can't fall asleep because I am thinking about my characters. One of these days I will learn how to shut my mind off and go to sleep. I need to get my self-esteem up a little too. I know that I'm a good writer, but I am the only one that thinks that. I don't know anyone that thinks it too. I started an online course (for free too!) from an especially nice lady who has been working as a Freelance writer and she teaches others how to do it. I can make money at something I love doing. Well, my 30 minutes of daily writing time is up. I will have to do tomorrow's segment late because my son wants to be out of the house by 8 am. I think he's just excited.

Monday, Not Sunday

Okay, so today is Monday. I didn't write at all yesterday. We took D to college. It was a three-hour trip.  He didn't have much that he took with him so the unloading part didn't take too long at all. His roommate and family were also there. For those of you saying that at least you got to meet them. We already knew them. D was with him in high school and his dad owns a business that stocks the vending machines at the IRS. So that is a good thing that happened. I feel a lot better about leaving him there knowing that he already knows someone. I'm not afraid that he wouldn't be able to make friends, I know that he would. Just easier knowing that he already had one there. When we left and said our goodbyes. I only shed one tear. Yes, just one. I know what you are thinking, your little boy is off to being an adult, and only one tear? I said goodbye to my oldest daughter E 2 years ago so I am kinda used to them leaving. Now I only have one more to go. She keeps telling me that when she goes I'm going to cry buckets. Nope, I'm going to party! Just kidding. I'm proud of my children I know that they will be back so I'm not that worried. After we left we got in the car and were immediately hungry. We looked for a place to eat and we were almost there when D called. He forgot his laptop in the car. We ate first then went back to give it to him. When we dropped off his laptop he said that he was delayed coming down because he was talking to the guys across the hall. See, he is already making friends. What were you so worried about?

Tuesday

I've been taking an online course for freelance writing and it is scaring me. I know that I can write well. I can picture myself doing it. I just am scared to take the first step. I think it is a self-confidence issue. I am just so scared of being rejected. I know that J.K Rowling was turned down 14 times before she found a publisher. I also know that there are going to be people out there that just don't like what I have to say. But I think that I am more afraid of the internet and those that like to hate just because they can. How do you deal with people like that? Delete them, ignore them I hear you saying. Yes, I know all that, it still makes me nervous. I'm also afraid that people, in general, won't like it too. I'm just afraid of failure. I finally make a life decision and I don't want to fail at it.
I need to be focusing on getting ready for our trip to New York now. That is the next leg of our life journey. My youngest daughter C is taking business courses in school. As part of the coursework, they have to make a business plan. She is also a stylish girl and likes to wear bow ties. She also makes her own bow ties. So she made her bow ties her business. She named it Tie It On. Yes, you can order from her. They had a Regional contest where they talk about their business. They made a power point presentation and even made samples for showing the judges. She placed second which means that she gets to go to New York and compete on a national level. The winner gets $25,000 to start their own business. We will be spending three days there. I can't wait. I am more excited than she is. I've never been to New York. I also have a friend that lives there whom I haven't seen in 30 years. There is a lot to do. She is having to make 50 bow ties because they gave her an option of selling her product while there. We are going to have so much fun!

Wednesday

It is Wednesday. I know that it is Wednesday and even though it's labeled up there, all morning I thought it was Tuesday. I need to be writing in the morning more often.
I'm stressing bad today about writing. What if I'm not good enough? What if everyone hates it? What if I can't make a living at it? So many questions, I just need to dive in and do it. I talked to my friend today and she gave me an inspiration for a short story so I have that to work on now. I thought of an article to work on too. Just to use it as a practice article to see if I can actually write one. I know that I can write short stories, but articles are different. My friend did text me a wonderful text that said,

“Always remember you are

Braver than you believe

Stronger than you seem

Smarter than you think and

Loved more than you know.”

Thank you S, you always say what I need to hear.
 I started writing this and realized that I didn't have my music on. I am listening to an Ambient station on Pandora. I chose this to listen to this type of music because it is soothing. Another reason is that there are no words. I won't be singing along and can keep my focus on the writing. I truly believe that music can drive you. I don't think that I have ever met a person that has said that they don't like music. Have you?

Okay, I have this scheduled to go live soon so I am going to stop here. I'm pretty sure that I have written enough. Don't want to lose my reader's attention, right?
So tell me, what did you think? Should I keep on doing it or just keep doing it and keep it to myself? Did you enjoy reading it? Let me know what you think in the comments.

Happy Reading,
Donna

The Very Beginning

How It All Started

It started with bad news. But doesn't it usually, a life-changing event that is?
I work at the IRS, yes actually. I'm a seasonal employee meaning that I only work for the Tax Season Mid January to Mid June. I like it. It's a busy place with deadlines. It is a friendly place as well. It is a great place to work. The only problem is that I don't work more than 6 months. Then the rest of the year is hard to deal with no money because of  rules of unemployment I don't get it until October. Summer is hard. Okay, enough about that. Onto the bad news....The IRS is closing out my job. I work with the paper filings and they are getting rid of all that.  It started with President Obama when he wanted the Federal Government to go green. I'm all for it, but it's now affecting my job. Some people still do prefer filing on paper, and there are a few reasons why they can only file on paper. But the majority of Americans have to do it online. So, in 5 years time, I will be saying goodbye to the IRS.

Now you are more than likely thinking that It's okay, you have 5 years to find another job. Well, yes I do, but I will also be 52. There aren't too many prospects for a 52-year-old woman. My husband J suggested that I go to college. I've never been so I got kind of excited. Then I started thinking of all the things I wanted to do. I also daydream a lot. But it didn't take me too long to actually take to long to decide. I told my youngest daughter C about the conversation I had with my husband. She is a business major so of course, she told me to open a business. HA I thought, I don't know the first thing about that. Then it dawned on me that there is one thing that I could do, that I actually liked to do and that I am already pretty good at.

I want to be a writer.

Yes, so I have decided to become a writer, a storyteller, an author. My family is  supportive, but there was no surprise there. I do also have a secret. I already have two ideas for novels that I have been wanting to write and even started one. Started it last year. Another thing that I struggle with is motivation. I'm hoping that starting a blog will help me with that. I will treat this like a diary on some days and maybe write short stories on other days. Never know.

So now the big question is how do I get started. J is the one that suggested that I start a blog, (thanks, honey). Now I just need to find out how to get into a class and how to pay for it. Got any ideas?

But your dream?

 Well, no. My first dream was to be a nurse. Then I started working in a doctors office. Now don't get me wrong, doctors are great, but they were not for me. Then I got into customer service and did that for a while. Loved that! I like talking to people and getting to know them. Then I even toyed with the idea of being a chef, fashion designer, purse designer, and artist. I still enjoy crocheting, sewing, and cooking. But unless I go to culinary school or fashion design school I couldn't make a good living at those. So I came up with writing. I  do enjoy doing it. I always have. I am pretty good at it too, but I will let you be the judge of that. I used to write short stories as a kid. I also wrote them in high school. If I got bored in class I would write one and give them to my best friend S for her to read in her classes. She still has them. I dabbled in writing poetry in my twenties as well. I just like to do it and I know that I can do it.

But what will you write?

Good question. I just don't know. I like to read and my favorite subject is Historical Fiction. I am thinking of going in that direction. My two novel ideas pertain to the past. What are those ideas? HA, I'm not telling!

Okay, so that is where I am right now. I know where I want to go but just not knowing how to get there. Wish me luck:)

See ya in the next chapter.
Donna